I have nothing to add.
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Oh My… Poor girl…
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I was rubbing an old lamp earlier when a genie popped out and granted me a wish.
I asked him to make me irresistible to all women.
He turned me into a pair of shoes. 
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Five year old little Johnny was lost, so
he went up to a policeman and said, I’ve
lost my dad! The policeman said, What’s
he like? Little Johnny replied,
Beer and Women!
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I just learned that 90% of all Chevrolets are still on the road!
…the other 10% made it home… 
6 Likes
Goat, if I could give out awards for Joke of the Week, yours would win hands down!
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lol … I saw this and literally spit out some of my beer 
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But yes, Goat does tell good jokes 
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A young punk gets on the cross-town bus.
He’s got spiked, multi-colored hair that’s green, purple, and orange.
His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags.
His legs are bare and he’s wearing worn-out shoes.
His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers.
He sits down in the only vacant seat that’s directly across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles.
Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man, “What are you looking at you old fart… didn’t you ever do anything wild when you were young?”
Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah, back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore and screwed a parrot…
I thought maybe you were my son.‘’
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HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress
her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect
her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for
her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked…with beer.
7 Likes
Fixed 
Arrive naked and just leave the beer 
6 Likes
I rarely drink, so just arrive naked.
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Wait - there’s beer???
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A blonde walks into a library, goes to the reception desk and says loudly, I’ll have a coke, cheeseburger and a small fry, the surprised librarian looks at her and says, Ms. this is a LIBRARY!, the blonde leans over and whispers in her ear…I’ll have a coke, cheeseburger and a small fry.
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Overheard during a Replay Poker game:
I’m convinced God is a woman… won’t say what she wants, puts you through hell if you don’t figure it out.
lol
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When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.
One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. “What are these guys in the big suits doing?”
A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.
After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder’s message.
Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man’s message was: “Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land.”
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Wait! There’s sound?
1 Like
Well, um, no. When I say “overheard during a game,” I’m generally referring to the voices in my head.
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Do you hear the same ones that I do? Spooky!!!
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