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a monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past.
the lizard looks up and says "hey what are you doing " the monkey say "smoking a joint, come up and join me "
so the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. after awhile the lizard says his mouth is dry and that he is going to get a drink from the river.
at the riverbank the lizard is so stoned he leans to far over and falls in. a crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
he then asks the lizard " what’s the matter with you " the lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with the monkey and his mouth got dry, and he was so wasted that, when he got a drink from the river he fell in.
the inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. he walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint.
he looks up and says " hey, monkey "
the monkey looks down and says " omg … duuud…how much water did you drink "
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LOL, had to read that one twice.
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Me too. And then ponder. lol
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I read it over and over, then I pondered, said it aloud, and then, like being hit in the head with a brick, I finally got it!!!
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Charlie, the spokesman for Starkist tuna was found dead today from mercury poisoning!!!
Sorry Charlie…
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lol, I can relate to that…I was a trauma nurse in the ER for alot of years and we would use emesis basins to eat popcorn…of course, they were clean 
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My little friend Peter came to visit and was telling funny stories about the flatbread factory where he works.
I do love to hear the pitta patter of tiny Pete…
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I only eat tuna-free dolphin.
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KIDS ARE THE BEST
As my two sons were climbing into the back seat of our car, Eric, five, yelled, “I call the left side!” That didn’t sit well with Ron, four. “No, I want the left side!” “I want the left side!” “No, I want the left side!” Intervening, I said, “Since Eric is older, he can have the left side.” “Thanks, Dad!” said Eric. “Which side is left?”
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Two boys were in the hospital to have operations.
One boy asked the other what operation he was going to get.
“I’m having my tonsils out” he replied.
“That’s great!” said the first boy, “all the ice cream you can eat! What operation are you getting?”
The second boy responded, “I’m getting circumcised.”
“Oh! That’s awful!” said the first, “I had that when I was born, couldn’t walk for a year!”
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Little Johnny and his 1st grade class visited a ranch. While there, Johnny spied a cowboy. Johnny blurted out, “Look at that bowlegged M’fer.” His teacher, appalled at Johnny’s language, exclaimed, “Johnny, you must never use that kind of language again!!!” “Now, as punishment you must rephrase what you said in a poem, and remember, no foul language.” Little Johnny thought and thought and finally he said, “Teacher, I’ve got it.” The teacher said, “Okay Johnny, let’s hear it.” So, Johnny recited his poem. “Oh what manner of mighty men are these who wear their balls in parentheses.”
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I just paid for a 12 month membership to the gym and my bank called and asked if my credit card was stolen.
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