What is the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man arguing with his wife? The man buying the lottery ticket actually has a chance to win…
Cheers to all the girls.
5 Likes
The husband always has the last three words in an argument with his wife.
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I’m Sorry Dear.
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2 words.
Yes Dear.
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Why do husbands die before their wives?
Because they can.
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a little silver haired lady calls her neighbor and says ‘please come over and help me, i have a killer jigsaw puzzle…and i can’t figure out how to get started’
the neighbor says…what’s it supposed to be when it’s finished.
the silver haired lay says…according to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.
the neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
she lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
he studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says…
’ first of all no matter what we do we are not going to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster "
he takes her hand and says secondly, 'i want you to relax. let’s have a cup of tea and then he said with a deep sigh…" let’s put all the cornflakes back in the box "
8 Likes
Awesome 
A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you…don’t bother coming after me” Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note… After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone… “She’s finally gone…yeah I know, about bloody time, I’m coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you…can’t wait to see you…we’ll do all the naughty things you like.” He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…“I can see your feet. We’re outta bread: be back in five minutes.”
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This little boy came up to me and said, “Sir, yer breath smells like peaches!”
I said, “Thank you, but I have not eaten peaches.”
He said, “Peaches is my dog.”
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Literally laughed out loud.
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I put a poster up in my room saying I am boss at my house. It wasn’t 5 minutes my wife came in and said she wanted her poster back.
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A woman with a salad walked past me in a restaurant and said, “You know a cow died for you to eat that beefburger.”
I said, “If you weren’t eating its food it might have lived.”
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Someone asked me how my marriage lasted 33 years, and me still calling her sweetie, honey, darling and etc. Had to explain that I actually forgot her name and was afraid to ask her for it.
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best joke ever…ha ha
1 Like
I was up late last night playing poker with a deck of taro cards, i got a full house and two people died. cha cha m
4 Likes
My wife opened the car door for me the 1st time in 30 yrs on Valentine’s Day. It would been a good gesture if we weren’t going 80 miles an hour.
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