My friend came over and noticed the ukulele I had on the couch. He asked, “Are you a musician?”
I said, “No, but I play a little guitar.”
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Now that’s one I never heard before! 
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Someone broke into my garage and stole my limbo stick!
Seriously, how low can you go?
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What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
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If you ever get attacked by a troop of clowns, go for the juggler.
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Which scale do you hear if you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor
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a beginning poker player who plays like a nit enters a casino for the first time.
a lot of hands went by without him playing a hand.
suddenly he picked up aces and raised while a player called.
a dry flop appears and he bets, the other guy raised and he folded his aces assuming he plays two pair or better, instead of that he shows his hand and shows a pure bluff.
at the end of the day he goes home and tells his story to a friend who plays poker for a long time. he assumes the player that bluffed is very loose and advises him to be more aggressive.
the next day he returns and walks up to the other guy violently and punches him in the face.
while shocked of what happened another guy asked what did you do that for?
he replies a friend of me told me yesterday that i had to be more aggressive.
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There is such a thing? I thought all poker newbies were loose-passive!
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On Replay they are, not in a casino haha !
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here is an oldie with a twist:
Why is six afraid of seven
because seven is a registered six offender
And you thought I would say seven eight nine (for dinner)
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I created a new word today…
The word is, “plagiarism”
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Does it have a definition? 
Sounds like it might be “borrowed” from someone
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The difference between good loving & great loving.
Good loving: My make-up is smeared !
Great Loving: I look like he tried to suffocate a clown!
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What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter “F.”
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That one took me a minute!
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OK car snobs, if you wanna impress me with your car, it had better be a food truck!
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There are two kinds of people in this world, those that divide everyone into two kinds, and those who don’t.
There are two kinds of people in this world, those that finish their sentences
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When I was in college, I wanted to be an astronaut, so I took up space.
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Not many farmers went to college in my day. I did and now I’m outstanding in my field!
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