Which knight invented the round table?
Sir Cumference
4 Likes
Which knight invented the beef steak?
Sir Loin
4 Likes
Which knight invented confidence?
Sir Tin.
4 Likes
If a group of leprechauns was sitting on their pots of gold, could you say they were sitting on their assettes?
3 Likes
I was talking to a woman in a bar; at one point, she asked me if I were seeing anybody, to which I replied, “I was seeing a neighbor lady, but then she got curtains.” Just then, a woman from a nearby table, noticing that I was smoking a cigarette, said in a snotty tone, “Don’t you know kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray?” to which I replied cheerfully, “Gee, I’ll have to remember that next time I feel lonely.” (PS, I have since quit smoking, 8 years now)
4 Likes
Which knight was the sneaky knight?
Sir Reptitious!
2 Likes
I was walking down the street carrying my ukulele when some asked if I was a musician.
I said, “Yeah, I play a little guitar.”
2 Likes
sounds familiar!
2 Likes
Maybe I heard it from you? If so, sorry.
Still, it’s a lot funnier when I tell it.
2 Likes
I didn’t know everything here was supposed to be original. I may be the worst offender!
2 Likes
The sensitive man
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk. They connect. They end up leaving together. They get back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, filled with teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall. She is immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There are small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She finds it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears. Quite impressed by his sensitive side, she turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other’s clothes and make hot, steamy love.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they lie there together basking in the afterglow. She rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, “Well, how was it?”
He gently smiles at her, looks deeply into her eyes and says, “Pretty good. Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.”
6 Likes
Not original per say, but we do ask a 45 day waiting period before repeating a joke, and SPG only waited 42 
4 Likes
I would expect there to be a hefty fine for such indiscretions. 
(Levied in free chips of course.)
4 Likes
Yes, I totally agree! Juicee obviously used some kind of precognitive hocus-pocus to steal my material before I had the chance to post it. Such nefarious underhanded skulduggery can’t be allowed to go unpunished!
4 Likes
And you said, you didn’t believe people could read minds.
1 Like
I knew you would say that. And no, I never said any such thing.
2 Likes
How do you explain the 1989 quarter, 1994 & 2006 nickels, & 3 pennies 1979, 2014 & 2009 in your left front pocket then?
1 Like
Snakes don’t have any arms, that’s why they don’t wear vests.
3 Likes
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He lay in bed awake all night, wondering if there really is a dog.
7 Likes