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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “because,” he said “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
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Roll yourself in wrapping paper and then tape it closed.
That’s how you live in the present.
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Sorry it came in caps.
LITTLE JOHNNY’S DAD ASKED HIM IF HE KNOWS ABOUT THE BIRDS AND BEES.
LITTLE JOHNNY SADLY SAYS " I KNOW SANTA, THE TOOTH FAIRY, AND THE EASTER BUNNY DON’T EXIST.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO TELL BE THAT ADULTS DONT REALLY HAVE SEX THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE IN ANYMORE…
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A TEACHER ASKED LITTLE JOHNY’S CLASS A QUESTION.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PERSON WHO KEEPS ON TALKING WHEN NOBODY ELSE IS INTERESTED?
LIITLE JOHNNY RAISED HIS HAND AND YELLED OUT, IT IS “A TEACHER”
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A husband and wife get up on Sunday morning.
After breakfast, the wife notices that her husband isn’t dressed for church.
“Why aren’t you dressed for church?”
“Simple. I’m not going.”
“Why not?”
“Well, I’ll give you three pretty good reasons why I’m not going.
First of all, the church is cold in the morning.
It’s just cold. Second, no one there likes me.
Everyone is always talking about me behind my back.
And third, most important of all, I just don’t feel like going!”
“Well, I’ll give you three pretty good reasons why you ARE going.
First of all, the church isn’t cold in the morning; it’s warm.
Second, I think, or I’m pretty sure, that there are some people there who do like you, and third you’re the minister, so get dressed.”
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A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, the wife
(undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment, and said,
“How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here?” and hung up. The husband said,
“Who was that?” The wife said,
“I don’t know, some young woman wanting to know ‘if the coast is clear.”
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LOL “If the coast is clear.”
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I sent that ‘Ancestry’ site some information on my Family Tree. They sent me back a pack of seeds and suggested that I just start over
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Wife: Shall we try different positions tonight. Me: Excellent Idea. Wife: Ok you stand at the sink and wash dishes. I’ll be on the couch watching TV
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