Introducing Fold-a-Lot: the ultimate prescription drug for poker losers!
- Side effects may include:
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Sudden urges to fold laundry instead of cards.
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Uncontrollable giggles when bluffing.
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A newfound obsession with collecting jokers.
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Spontaneous poker face practice sessions.
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An inexplicable desire to bet on rock-paper-scissors.
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A tendency to shout “All in!” at inappropriate moments.
- Remember, always consult your doctor before taking Fold-a-Lot. And if you experience any of these side effects, just go with the flow—life’s a gamble, after all!
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To be good at poker, you need to be good at origami… learn to fold.
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Just letting you guys know that I’ve written numerous books, three of them on poker. One of them was called, “The Joke-tionary of Poker.” (Amazon Books)
It’s filled with poker jokes containing the language and terms of poker.
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An excerpt from my “The Joke-tionary of Poker” book:
VP Pappy’s 57 Top Signs You Might Have a Poker Problem
- When you have a decision to make, you ask yourself, “What would
Doyle Brunson do?”
- You can’t be at your daughter’s wedding because it comes at the same
time as The World Series of Poker.
- The song they played at your wedding as you walked down the aisle was
Kenny Roger’s, The Gambler.
- You named your first son Bret Maverick.
- There’s an autographed picture of a poker pro anywhere in your house.
- The primary source of your poker bankroll is the pawnshop.
- You have a tattoo that says, “Born to Play Poker!”
- You would rather play poker than make love to your wife, girlfriend, or
anything else.
- You write off your three poker tables, fifteen cases of poker chips and 47
decks of cards as business expenses.
- You’ve ever come close to losing your wife, kids, or dog in a poker
game.
- You have a dog named Chip.
- You’ve converted your basement into a kick-ass poker room.
- After removing 15 cases of chips, 47 decks of cards, 36 poker books, 18 poker CD’s,
various poker shirts, hats, and jackets, 4 pairs of lucky poker shoes, and a collapsible
poker table from your car, you find that you get 9 more miles per gallon.
- You think that Doyle Brunson’s Super System is more relevant than the
Bible.
- You’ve started a petition to change the National Anthem to Luck Be a
Lady Tonight.
- You can amuse yourself for hours rolling poker chips around your
fingers.
- You mow your lawn and find an old poker table.
- You tell people that winning the World Series of Poker is possible.
- You beg everyone you know to call you “Slim” even though you weigh
over 260 pounds.
- You can figure the mathematical odds of winning a hand, vectoring in
the variances, but you can’t balance your check book.
- If you have ever worn a “PARTY POKER” cap to a wedding.
- If you’ve ever tried to write “Texas Hold’em” in the snow while urinating.
- Foreplay means going all-in with four of a kind.
- You think about poker 90% of the time and sex 10%.
- It bothers you when someone talks about your game behind your back.
- The only use you can find for a computer is for playing poker online.
- You think Rounders was a better movie than Gone With The Wind.
- You cry after losing a tournament, but not when your girlfriend dumps
you.
- You’re 47 and have never had a meaningful relationship, except with a
casino poker room.
- You can keep a straight face and not laugh when your girlfriend asks,
“What’s more important to you, me or poker?”
- You believe that everybody lies.
- You think Doyle Brunson should be president and Phil Hellmuth should
be his vice-president.
- You can say “all-in!” and not think about sex.
- You can remember 15 different passwords to 15 different poker sites, but
you can’t remember your girlfriend’s birthday.
- You’re at a check-out counter in a super market when you hear the clerk
say, “Two lemons” and you go all-in with two grapefruits.
- You only eat fast food because paying for real food cuts into your
bankroll.
- When your girlfriend asks how you can sit in the kitchen in your shorts
and play poker online all day long, you think about it, and then move
your computer into the bathroom.
- You blame your parents for not teaching you how to play poker earlier.
- You are trying to solve some personal problems using game theory,
odds, and mathematics.
- You’ve got Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in all eight fingers and both thumbs
from playing so much poker online.
- You really enjoy going to the bathroom, because you get to go all-in
with a good flush.
- Anytime something goes wrong in your life, you refer to it as a bad beat.
- You begin to classify people in your life as either weak, tight, loose,
passive, or maniacs.
- You owe money to most of the people you know, including the dealers
where you play.
- You’re down $45,000 for the year, but still think slot players are stupid.
- If you have ever spray-painted “I LOVE POKER” on an overpass.
- You own 27 pairs of sunglasses and none of them have ever been outside
in the sun.
- You despise people who check-raise you.
- You have ended close friendships, because of irreconcilable differences
over which two starting cards are better to raise with in early position.
- You buy all your clothes at the casino gift shop.
- You ask the dealers to loan you money.
- Little old ladies ask what nights you play.
- Nobody cares if you look at their hole cards.
- You envy Keno players because they only face a 25% house edge.
- You help your four-year-old learn math by teaching her how to figure
pot odds.
- When your counselor says he thinks “the odds are good” that you will
beat your poker addiction problem, you see it as a reason to immediately
enter the World Series of Poker.
- You lose your wife in a poker game, your mistress going double-or-
nothing, and now they refuse to let you bet your hooker.
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Why don’t online poker players ever win in life? Because they’re always trying to bluff their way through the real world! 
What’s an online poker loser’s favorite musical? “Les Misérables”—because misery loves company! 
Why did the online poker loser bring a ladder to the game? Because they thought climbing out of their losing streak was easier than learning how to play good poker!
I love the poker jokes!
I made up a few signs you might have a poker problem 
You wear a large adult diaper so you won’t miss any hands during your tournament.
You’re highly disappointed when you discover the reality of free chips at the Mexican restaurant.
You take your son fishing and he asks you if you found the fish hooks, you then hand him a pack of cards and tell him you’ll find four of them in there.
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What do you call an online poker player who keeps losing to bots? A “bot”-tomless pit.