Two clowns are eating a cannibal.
One turns to the other and says,
" I think we got this joke wrong "
how’s this for a dumb joke
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What do you call someone who is afraid to balance their checkbook?
A mathemachicken
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If your chicken looks like my chicken is it a matchemachicken??
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One chicken plus one chicken is ???
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Dinner
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BBQ RULES:
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat
Important again:
(
THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ’ her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.
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A park ranger noticed several
ten dollar bills scattered along
a trail. The ranger decided to
follow them and came upon a
visitor throwing a ten dollar bill
at a deer.
“What are you doing?” asked
the ranger.
What does it look like?" replied
the visitor. “I’m giving the
wildlife ten dollars like your
sign said I could.”
“There’s no sign saying that,”
protested the ranger.
The visitor said, “Yes there is. It
says,
'Do not give food to the
wildlife. $10 fine.” 
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A sheepdog brought the flock back to the farm and told the shepherd, “Here’s your 40 sheep.” The farmer said,“But I only have 36.”
The sheepdog replied, “I know,
but I rounded them up.”
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Q. Why is there no pain medication in the jungle?
A. parrots et em all… (paracetamol)
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My friend the basketball player can’t seem to find love.
They keep catching them on the rebound then passing
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From my 7 year old nephew: “What’s the coolest letter in the alphabet? B, because it’s closest to AC.”
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Smart little cookie.
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Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: to sing Hello from the other side.
I think she was looking for the mathemachicken.
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey is running wild.
The monkey jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender is livid and says to the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”
“No. What did that stupid **** do this time?”, says the patron.
“Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole”, says the bartender.
“Yeah, well I hope it kills the little f**ker because he’s been driving me nuts”, says the patron.
The guy finishes his drink and leaves.
Two weeks later he comes back in with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again.
While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a grape on the bar.
He grabs the grape, sticks it up his a**, then pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks.
“What now?”, responds the patron.
“Well, he stuck a grape up his a**, then pulled it out and ate it”, says the barkeeper.
“Well, what did you expect?”, replied the patron. “Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”
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That’s laugh out loud funny. Thnx
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Wife: Look at that drunk guy.
Husband: who is he?
Wife: 10 years back he proposed to me and I rejected him.
Husband: Oh My God he’s still celebrating…
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