Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine.
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I was loading the car with my golf equipment yesterday and my mother-in-law, Who clearly knows nothing about golf, noticed I had dropped two tees on the floor. “What are they for?” She asked inquisitively. ''There for resting my balls on when I’m driving” I replied.
“crikey” she said, ''These car companies think of everything nowadays.”
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Hey Ryan??
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
“Odor in the court!”
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One more Ryan
What do basketball players and lawyers have in common?
They both go to court.
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thought they both dribbled endlessly
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That too cowboy!!
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That took a moment. Pretty funny. I had a professor of English that would testify on contract disputes as an expert witness. A single error: grammar, punctuation, spelling, though seemingly harmless, could mean the difference between you owning your business or someone else owning it and you becoming their employee.
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I had to study that for a few minutes.
Slow on the uptake, but that made it all the more funny!
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The Maître d’ says,’ “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a restaurant.
I know, it’s deep 
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Took me a while to understand this, since yesterday but, I got it this morning.
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The Maître d’ says,’ “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler says, “I’ll be back yesterday.”
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An overweight time traveler goes to ancient Rome but when he gets there he realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip.
So he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks the clerk, “Do you have XL togas?”
The clerk replies, “Well, yes. But why do you need so many?”
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I had a joke about time travel, but you guys didn’t like it.
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I wanted to unionize the cable installers. They would only agree to meet between 8am and 3pm two weeks from now.
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Why do cows like being told jokes?
Because they like being amoosed
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