Which state is named after a hippy’s wife?
Mississippi
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Three blondes were in the waiting room to see the doctor, all 3 very pregnant. The first one says, “My baby will be a boy, because the man was on top when we did it.” The second one replies, “Well, I guess then my baby will be a girl, because the woman was on top when we did it.” Whereupon the third woman starts crying. “What’s the matter?” the other 2 asked, concerned. She replied tearfully, “I’m going to have a puppy.”
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Welcome to the 6o’clock news, I’m your anchor Frank Lee Dontgivadam,
A large wooden object with a pointy end was found spinning in the downtown core.
That’s our Top Story…
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This just in,’
Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3
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Welcome to the 6’oclock news, I’m your anchor Heyzoo Getoffamycloud
Our top story tonight: A concert promoter who claimed that he had the worlds tallest piano player was found to be lying today when his piano player measure to be only 5’11"
Turns out to be just another man lying about the size of his pianist!
In other news: Nine out of ten people addicted to brake fluid can’t stop!!
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Those were so bad I tried to give you TWO hearts, but the second click takes the first one away. You’re out of luck.
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Have YOU had to walk 500 miles?
Were you advised to walk 500 more?
You could be entitled to compensation.
Call the Pro Claimers NOW.
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ROFLMAO!
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A mans wife got caught for shop lifting.
Judge: What did you steal?
Wife: A can of peaches.
Judge: How many peaches where in the can?
Wife: 6
Judge: Then I will give you 6 days in jail.
Husband: She also stole a can of peas !
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And that’s not all, your Honor, she also took 10 pounds of rice and a big bag of sugar!
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What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
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Good Evening and welcome to the 10 o’clock news I’m your anchor Ginger Vitus
Former Governor and action movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger has agreed to take
the lead roll in a movie about a 17th century composer written by Quentin Tarantino,
When ask about his upcoming role, Schwarzenegger replied. “I’ll Be Bach”
This just in, Scientists turn back time & end up with the word “Emit”
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What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Welcome to the 6 o’clock news I’m your anchor Frances Fulloffrenchpeople.
Our top story today: A monkey was arrested today when he started throwing lit feces at zoo employees.
3 of the zoo employees were rushed to the hospital with turd debris burns.
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Wife: We’re going to start eating healthier. Its the vegan lifestyle for us from now on.
Husband: Hold on, I can give up pudding.
Wife: What are you talking about???
Husband: Well I’ve heard that if you don’t eat your meat you can’t have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?
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Halloween soon so…
A wife was after her husband to mow the yard for many days. Thinking she would try harder to get the point across, she was in the front yard cutting the grass with a pair of scissors when he arrived home from work one day. He said nothing, went in the house and returned with a tooth brush. She looked up at him confused as he handed it to her and said “when you’re done cutting the grass can you sweep the driveway?”.
They still haven’t found his body but the neighborhood kids say you can still hear his screams anytime you start his lawnmower.
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What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
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