+1
1 Like
An American-born, computer-savvy yellowjacket is a USB…
3 Likes
Been married to long I guess. Cause:
My wife said to me last night, “You treat our relationship
like some kind of game!”
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance!!!
5 Likes
i heard you should never trust an atom!!
because,
They make up EVERYTHING!!
heehee.
4 Likes
A nurse pulls a rectal thermometer out of her breast pocket.
She says, “Grrrr! Some arsehole has my pen!”
2 Likes
How can you tell if a computer geek is an extrovert?
They stare at your shoes when you talk instead of their own.
2 Likes
Johnny was doing his math homework, he said to himself “2 plus 5 the son of a (bleep) is 7” “3 plus 6 that son of a (bleep) is 9”
His mother over heard what he was saying & gasped. “What are you doing?”
The boy replied, “I’m doing my math homework”
“And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” The mother asked. “Yes” he answered.
Infuriated, she called Johnny’s teacher the next morning, "What are you teaching my son in class?
The teacher replied “Right now, we are learning addition.” The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say 2 plus 2 that son of a bleep is 4?”
After the teacher stopped laughing, He answered. “What I taught them was, 2 plus 2, the sum of which is 4”
8 Likes
I rode my bicycle to the liquor store and bought a bottle of Jack Daniels. I placed it in the bike rack and realized that if I fell, the bottle might break. I decided to drink the whisky before riding home. Good thing, 'cause I fell down seven times on the ride home! 
9 Likes
How it really is…
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage.
He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage
to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom,
“Do you take this man to be your husband.”
And she said, “I do.”
Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman
to be your wife, " and my Mom said, “He does.”
6 Likes
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back???
A STICK
4 Likes
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
3 Likes
LOL
1 Like
A man sits down at the bar and says to the bartender " Evening Dick, I’ll take an almond Daiquiri"
“So sorry Doc, but I used up all my almond liqueur earlier today” The bartender replied
“Would you like to try something else Doc?”
“Sure Dick, What ever Daiquiri you think I’ll like.” The man replied “But nothing foo foo Like banana or strawberry” He added.
“Doc I have just the thing for you.” Said the bartender. A few moments later he set the drink down in front of his patron. He said. “Here try this”
The man took sip, then another, and said “That is pretty darn good Dick, what is it?”
The bartender replied “That’s a Hickory Daiquiri Doc”
6 Likes
Wow I can’t get over how times have changed, I used to be able to go to the store with 50 cents and come home with a bag of chips a can of pop, a bag of candy and two chocolate bars, Now they have those darn cameras in all the stores.
11 Likes
Pretty sure Johnny and I are related…
3 Likes
I like that… Good one
1 Like
What do you call a Man in Alabama wearing a 3 piece suit!!!
The Defendant !!
3 Likes
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a beer?”
The bartender says, “For you? No charge!”
5 Likes
That same bartender tells me that the beer will be free tomorrow.
Every danged day he tells me that! 
2 Likes
A parasite walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a beer?”
The bartender says, Sorry, we don’t serve your kind in here."
The parasite says, “That’s OK, you’re not a very good host anyway.”
3 Likes