My TV remote just suddenly stopped working the other day.
I guess I must have really pressed its buttons.
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What do you give a Christmas tree with bad breath?
Ornamints.
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People always complaining when their phone only has 2 bars.
I’m an alcoholic, and all I ever needed was 1 bar.
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I don’t recommend catnapping.
It only lasts a little while. Then the owner wants their cat back.
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Too funny Carol. It would work though.
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A man went to the doctor because he’d been feeling a little “off” lately.
The doctor came into the room and said, "I have your
prognosis. Unfortunately, your DNA is backwards."
The patient replied, “And?”
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I preformed CPR on a co-worker for 5 minutes before someone told me that’s just how she laughs.
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My mom was a radiologist. She met my dad when he came in one day for an x-ray.
I wonder what she saw in him…
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@Craig_Anthony Okay Ryan, it’s a new year coming. These are for you.
What did the baby godzilla call his mom? A momster
What animal floats best? The gir- raft
Why was the pilot so easily distracted? She had her head in the clouds.
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William Shatner has discontinued his new line of lingerie.
Apparently, Shatner panties wasn’t the best choice for a name.
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If you have ten chocolates, and your friend asks you for eight, what do you have left?
Ten chocolates and one less friend.
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