By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
“You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost.
But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past.
I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”
“No problem,” the tired Marine assured him.
“I’ll take it.” The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
“How’d you sleep?” Asked the manager.
“Never better.”
The manager was impressed.
No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
“Nope, I shut him up in no time.”
Said the Marine. “How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.
“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained.
“I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”
Outstanding as always!!! OOHRAH!!! 
really don’t think it would be that easy! Semper Fortis
Hahahahahaha, good one Will 
I wish the grass in my back lawn was emo.
Then it would cut itself.
If you ever get into an argument with a woman and she picks up a knife, just grab a jar of mayonnaise.
Her feminine instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a nice sandwich.
A woman in labour suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.”
What rhymes with orange
No it doesn’t.
How do scientists keep their breath fresh ?
Experimints
My wife accused me of snoring, so I did an experiment and the next morning I told her I do not snore, and I can prove it!
She said yah right how can you prove it?
I told her I stayed up all night and I NEVER snored. SO THERE!!!
Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert: “Yes, the red wire.”
“Nothing looks good on me anymore,” wailed a customer modeling an outfit in front of the department store’s mirror.
“Nonsense, ma’am,” soothed the salesclerk. “That dress says it all.”
“That’s the problem,” the woman replied. “I need a dress that keeps its mouth shut.”
breaking news.
do to inflation dirty deeds no longer done dirt cheap.
You’re riding a horse full speed, there’s a giraffe beside you, and you’re being chase by a lion.
What do you do?
Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
How did a Chartered Accountant explain Inflation to his wife?
You used to be a 36-24-36, but now you’re a 46-40-48. So, theoretically, you have more than you did before, but your value is lower. This, my dear, is called inflation.
Police: Why did you kill your wife?
Suspect: Well, we were just talking, and I told her that I bought us side-by-side grave sites. Then she said that she wanted to be cremated.
Police: That’s not a reason to kill her.
Suspect: I just said OK Honey, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it while she was alive.
Hahahahahaha