Chemistry teacher :What is barium ? Student: It’s what you do after you Killum
Mother-in-law came for dinner and said why does the dog keep staring at me ? I said, because you’re using his plate
I’ve got a pen that can write underwater.
It can write other words too.
I told myself I should quit drinking, but I don’t listen to drunks.
What steps do you take if a lion is chasing you?
Big ones.
What kind of books take the longest to read?
Yearbooks.
Wanna suck less at golf? Then take up poker and split the suck in half.
Say, that’s a nice ham you’ve got there.
It’d be a shame if someone put an ‘s’ in front of it, and an ‘e’ at the end.
What did the science book say to the math book?
“Wow, you’ve got problems.”
I taught a wolf to meditate.
Now he’s Aware Wolf.
1 can try to make you laugh, but I’m not as good as a clown.
Those are some pretty big shoes to fill.