Once I went to a party with my husband, full of people he knew (from work). I didn’t know them and they didn’t know me.
A guy came up to us, turned to me, and said, “You must be his wife.”
I turned to my husband and said, “You have a wife?!”
You should’ve seen the guy’s face, but even better, you should’ve seen my husband’s face!
Want to know my password for everything?
Okay, it’s
HermioneThoDoryGandalfPika chuPalpatine.
I know it’s long, but it had to be at least six characters.
Patience is what you have when there are too many witnesses.
Oops!
JanCee… Why wasn’t I Invited?
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Almost
.
All I can say is this: It was my husband’s crowd, and he probably left you off the list because he felt threatened by you! 
Hahahahahahaha…Just buy me a 12 pack we be good! 
Just been on a dieting website and they asked me if I would accept cookies.
Is that a trick question?
My friend’s car parts store got robbed.
She tried running after them but she just can’t catch a brake.
Good thing for many men, if not most men, that good aim isn’t required in order to purchase a firearm. Otherwise, not many men would own one, and most firearm owners would be women.
Here’s a dumb dad joke I heard on the tv.
How do you get an art major off your porch?
Pay for the pizza.
Getting older is cool because you can take a deep breath and it’ll crack your back.
Found this on my porch when I got home from the pub last night. Mrs. Grateful is even funnier than I am!.. I hope. 
Why did the man quit his job at the donut factory?
He was fed up with the hole business.
