I don’t need all those fancy gizmos, but I could use one that can pick itself up if I drop it! 
Two giant wind turbines are standing in a field.
One turns to the other and asks, “What kind of music do you like?”
The second one says, “Well, I’m a huge metal fan.”
My boss wants to sign us up for a 401K. No way I’m running that far.
My aunt used to work as a human cannonball.
She wasn’t sure she was any good at it until she got fired.
I am crying! Gotta try this with Frankenstein he ate a helicopter 2 weeks ago.
Sue…That is good but…I trained Frankenstein to fetch my beer from the big beer truck,He growls and the delivery dude runs away and I have free beer for a month or 2
My friends think I make too many graphs.
But I know where to draw the line.
And so started my young life 
They say you should try playing chess with kids.
But it’s really hard to get all 32 of them to stand in their squares.
What has 12 legs, six eyes, three tails and can’t see?
Three blind mice
RIP, boiling water.
You will be mist.
A man went to the doctor and said, “Doc, I broke my arm in 12 places.”
The doctor replied, “Well, stop going to those places then.”