What’s the opposite of ladyfingers?
Mentos
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@Craig_Anthony For Ryan
Why is Peter Pan flying all the time? A. He Neverlands!
Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? A. Because she always runs away from the ball!
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As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this blonde in a short skirt, I couldn’t resist a quick glance at her knickers:
“Hey cheeky!” She said as she gave me a playful kick. “I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls’ skirts isn’t it?”
“That’s an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam.” I said sternly. “I don’t even work here.” 
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My friend the tennis player got a job waiting tables.
It was going well until someone asked him to serve a grapefruit.
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Why can you not make everyone happy??? Because…You are not a taco 
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A man walks into Victoria Secret and decides to bye his wife the shearest negligee that he could find. After spending $500.00 for the negligee he goes home.
He gives his wife the gift and tells her to go upstairs and put it on.
She goes up stairs and says to herself why try it on, I will return it to the store and pocket the money.
So now she decides to go downstairs completely naked.
Her husband as soon as he sees her yells out gee wiz for 500.00 the least they could have done was pressed it in order to get the wrinkles out.
A lot of people showed up at his funeral.
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What did the stoner say when he had the best time of his life? Taco about a good time.
What’s better than a talking burrito? Adele taco.
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road? Because there was a Taco Bell on the other side.
Why doesn’t Taco Bell have a playground? Because its hard to have fun when you might ■■■■ in your pants.
Where are the best tacos served? In the Gulp of Mexico!
Why can’t you trust tacos? They tend to spill the beans.
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Craig Anthony …You just summ 
ed up my life story!
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Lttle Johnny is 7 years old and always gets in trouble with his teacher…
One day in the classroom the teacher says to her class who can give me a sentence
with the work FASCINATE…
Little mary jumps up and said My mom and I had a fantastic weekend.
The teacher said Mary that was a nice sentence but the wrong word used.
Then little Sue got up and said we went to a movie and it was fantastic…
The teacher then says that is a nice sentence but the wrong word again. I need the word Fascinate in a sentence.
Then Little Johnny jumps up and says I have a sentence for you.
The teacher says oh know but surely Johnny cant do any harm with that word, so she says let us here you sentence.
So Johnny gets up and starts talking:
MY SISTER HAS A SWEATER WITH 9 BUTTONS
BUT HER TITS ARE SO BIG SHE CAN ONLY FASTEN EIGHT.
and the teacher collapsed again.
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He was the best…loved this!!
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My umbrella broke in half. But it’s OK.
There’s only a 50% chance of rain.
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This very rich man has an affair with this 18 year old girl.
After 4 months into the affair she tells the man she is pregnant.
He tells her not to worry about it and he will take care of the expense.
However, she decide to tell her mother and her mother demands to know who the father is, so she tells him.
The mother then decides to confront the man and she is very mad about it and asks him what he is going to do about it.
The man states that if it is a girl he will put 1Million dollars in an account for her and will pay for all of her education.
The mother says, what if it is boy. Now the man is getting very annoyed with the mother and tells her he will get the same thing as the girl but he will also become his heir… And then he asks her is there anything else you want to hear?
After a awhile the mother says to him " if she has a mis-carriage will you give her another chance"?
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Why I got kicked out of the Scooby Gang:
Shaggy: “Zoinks!!!”
Scooby: “Rut-Roh!!!”
Daphne: "Jeepers!!!:
Velma: “Jinkies!!!”
Me: “Well, F**K!!!”
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Surgeon Talk…
Five surgeons were talking about the best patients…
First surgeon says, “Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered.”
Second surgeon says, “Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
Third surgeon responds, “Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded!”
Fourth surgeon intercedes," I prefer lawyers.They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and butts are interchangeable."
To which the fifth surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says, “I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end.”
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A boss said to his secretary, I want to have sex with you. I will make it very fast. I’ll throw $1,000.oo on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up I will be finished.
She thought for a moment and then decided to call her boyfriend & tell him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast so he would not even have enough time to undress himself. So she agrees to do it.
Half an hour goes by , the boyfriend decides to call his girl friend and ask her what happened.
She responds the creep is still having sex with me because he only used coins.
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I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees.
They handed me thirteen and said, “The last one is a free bee.”
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sounds like that might just be a lot of bull…
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