Old Jokes and Anachronisms

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Jokes can lose their punch when times change. This is a joke I found in my mother’s files, back when email was new to all of us. Dated but still kinda cute.

Eleven Top Reasons Email is Like a Male Reproductive Organ

Eleven: Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.

Ten: Those who have it think that those who don’t are somehow inferior.

Nine: Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s neat, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

Eight: Many of those who don’t have it would like to try it; a phenomenon psychologists call “Email Envy.”

Seven: Its more fun when it’s up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

Six: In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.

Five: If you don’t take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.

Four: If you use it too much, you’ll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

Three: We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

Two: If you’re not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

And the number one reason why email is like a male reproductive organ:

One: If you play with it too much, you go blind.

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  1. If you don’t have it, you might number the “top 11” reasons as 11-20, followed by a 1. :slight_smile:
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Hahahaha! I’ve been outed as a wannabe! Gave it the only edit option this “doesn’t have it” could figure out. :slight_smile:

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How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

(One of the world’s oldest jokes, circa 1600 BCE. The pharaoh was probably King Snofru.)

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This may be an old joke, but nothing has changed since it was first uttered or written, true?

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Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. :smile:

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“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” - Attributed to Charles H. Duell, who was the Commissioner of the US patent office in 1899, and is said to be his argument supporting the permanent closure of the patent office.

Mr. Duell was never accused of being a visionary.

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More funnies from Mom’s files:

  • When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
  • A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
  • When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.
  • The batteries were given out free of charge.
  • A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
  • A will is a dead giveaway.
  • With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
  • A boiled egg is hard to beat.
  • When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
  • Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  • Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  • A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
  • When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
  • When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
  • Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And the cream of the wretched crop:

  • Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
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Thanks for those. This is education for non native speakers. :slightly_smiling_face:

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I thought of you specifically when I posted these. :slight_smile: So glad you liked them.

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Published in the column titled “Off the Circuit” in Mom’s local newspaper in May 1965:

  • Wife (on the phone): “Darling, I’m afraid dinner will be a little burned tonight!” Husband: “Don’t tell me they had a fire at the delicatessen!” --Grocers Advocate

  • Courtship is the process of seeking a girl’s hand until she has you under her thumb. --Mickey Rooney

  • Professor: “How would you go about determining the height of a building using an aneroid barometer?” Student: “Sir, I would lower the barometer on a string and measure the string.” --N. Y. News

  • With modern medicine doing so well at increasing our life expectancy, we’d better be careful about adding to the national debt. We might have to pay it off ourselves. --Mueller Record

  • An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame. --Industrial News Review

  • “What’s this fly doing in my soup?” inquired the angry diner. The waiter stood a minute looking into the soup bowl: “Looks like the backstroke to me.” --Cubelet Press

  • Sun bather: a fry in the ointment. --Fireman’s Fund Record

  • “Do you have TV on tonight?” asked the poll taker. “Yes,” replied the husband. “What are you listening to?” the caller asked. “My wife!” was the reply. --Great Northern Goat

  • The freshman had gone to sleep in English class and the professor threw a book at him. “What hit me?” the student asked, startled. “That,” said the professor, “was a flying Chaucer.” --Mueller Record

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Your Mom must have had a great sense of humor, thank you for sharing, Jan!! i am going to copy/paste and send this to all I know…lol.

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