Joke of the week

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OOPs, Sorry, My Bad, but this cracked me up. :rofl:

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I recently spent £16,500 on this registered Black Angus bull.

I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow.

I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.

Anyway…I had the Vet come and take a look at him.

He said, the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.

The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows!

He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor’s cows!

He’s like a machine!

I don’t know what was in the pills the Vet gave him …
but they kind of taste like peppermint.😂😂

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:bomb: That’s INGENEOUS! :bomb:

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image

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A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up.

One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you two had better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment --chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip, and the gun, and steps right into the lion’s cage.

The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s jaw is on the floor. He murmurs, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, “Can you top that?”

The tough old golfer replies, “No problem, just get that lion out of there.”

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I learn from the mistakes of people who take my advice… especially on poker! :wink:

Why is getting up at 5 in the morning like a pigtail?

Twirly

This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years.

One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.”

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?” “Ten years!”, he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!”

Then she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?” He replies, “Ten years!”

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic !” Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some REAL fun?”

And the man replies, “My God ! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there!”

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My wife got her identity stolen, but the guys spending less money so I’m gonna let it ride.

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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
… She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes…’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started…

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I rear-ended a car this morning…the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said ‘I am NOT Happy!’
So I said, ‘Well, which one ARE you then?’
That’s how the fight started.