Poker Player Charged In Death of Chihuahua
An online player identified only as PickettPocket was arrested and charged with the inadvertent death of a neighbor’s pet on Wednesday.
Police say Mr Pocket allegedly threw his laptop from a twelfth-story window in the early evening after a particular player called his suited AQ and AJs in consecutive hands with J4 and 94 respectively, despite Mr Pocket raising both at least 4.5x the big blind, then flopped trip fours on the first hand and trip nines on the second, claiming nearly a third of an infuriated Mr Pocket’s stack in the process.
“It happens far too often!” he is said to have shouted as police wrestled him to the ground in their effort to subdue him.
His neighbor, Mrs Esther Horowitz, described the tragic death of her treasured companion.
“Manny was a sweet little dog,” she said. “Yes, he was getting on in years. His chin whiskers had turned gray, he had a bald patch on his left hip, and his joints were stiff, but he still had energy. He loved to yap at passing butterflies and shiver in ninety-degree weather, as all chihuahuas do.
“We were out for a walk. One minute he was lifting his hind leg to wee while looking up at me with those plaintive eyes and the next there was just a smoky grey metallic rectangle with tiny paws protruding from beneath each corner. It was horrible.”
Mr Pocket pleaded temporary insanity at his arraignment, was assessed a fine, and ordered to provide restitution to Mrs Horowitz.
“I deeply regret my involvement in Manny’s tragic demise and of course will compensate Mrs Horowitz for her loss,” he told this reporter. “I offered to buy her a Doberman or a Rottweiler. You know, something more durable, but she insisted on another chihuahua. When you think about it, they are so tiny and vulnerable, pretty much the 94 of the dog world, but some people can’t help themselves, I guess, and have to play them no matter how much you raise preflop.”
When asked, Mr Pocket confirmed his intent to return to the tables.
“I’ve already purchased two new laptops, the extra one just in case my anger gets the better of me again. Of course, I promised the judge I’d channel my frustrations in a healthier, safer fashion in the future, which is why I also stopped at the hardware store to buy a hammer.”
