Just wrote a long discourse for my friend with regard to his extramarital relationship.
And here it is in all its glory!
truth be told, honestly, even if she is married or taken or whatever, it does not stop you from pursuing her. I want to believe in the so called sanctity of marriage, however I also understand there are fundamental flaws with regard to such contractual relationship. For example, nature as observed by biologist and evolution psychologists," there exists, when we were hunter and gather two class of man. The Alpha males and the beta males. Hitherto every so called great civilization, the most beautiful and sought-after women are taken by the elite or Alpha male, and the beta male which is us the mass majority of the population are either left with undesirable or infertile females. This is the basic human instinct at its core. What we have now is a marriage between two persons, and the two people are expected to take care of their children usually two offspring, make a living, usually the man, but as we progressively modernize also the women. The couple are expected to be wage labors and provide for the family. However, this is the modern model, throughout history very wealth man had multiple wives, and the wealthy and powerful paid using hard currency the service of the beta male(which is us) to work in the his household and be his manual labors and take care of his children and cu-combines. Hence, That is the traditional and historical model and perhaps the biological genetic model of human family relationship.
I want to point out that the family relationship which we have today is fundamentally dysfunctional. 50% of marriage ends in divorce. Children are traumatized by the bickering of their caretakers, left abandoned many of those children does not grow up to become a functional member of this society. Children including so-called adults turn to hard drugs or alcohol to suffocate and hide their discontent. This or what we have now, the so-called family unit, it is nothing but a mass hallucinogenic mushroom that depraves and gives false hope of happiness to all that seek it!
I believe in order for the family unit to become happy, satisfied and functional, fundamental shifts must be made.
I believe some of the most important issues that must be addressed are.
a) Man’s lack of understanding of woman and vice-versa.
B) The one man and one women model is fundamentally flawed because it is fundamentally impossible for the human caregiver to provide emotional and financial support to themselves and their offspring, due to over work, over exhaustion.
C) Perhaps maybe, we are meant to have multiple partners, we may and should share our most special bond with that special someone who we hold dear the most. However, both partners should also realize that their exist fundamental forces in our biology which pushes us to seek extramarital relationships.
D) having multiple partner also solves the issue of over taxing of the 2 person family model, however the multiple partner model also have its own caveat, which I will leave out and reference at another time.
I can not pass up throwing in my 2.3 cents on this topic…
As creatures of intelligence and reason, we separate ourselves from the other inhabitance of this world with the ability to make choices, right or wrong we have the choice… So for us, biological is a foundation, but does not need to be a factor. I am a big fan of intuition and instinct, But I can override them any time I want/need. So for one spouse to cheat on another spouse is a matter of choice, maturity, & upbringing. A person is only as good as their word, If you committed to someone by a vow to be true to them, It is up to you if you will do what you said you would. The outside world & it’s declining morals are not a factor. Always do what you say you will do. And don’t compromise your own value of ethics or morals, regardless of what society allows or doesn’t allow. Yes work and money can influence your lifestyle, But are not the foundation that you are built on. And therefore are not the factors of your own morals and obligations.
If you don’t respect yourself or the person you made a commitment to, then you get what you deserve. Children are a responsibility that you OWE a commitment to from your own actions. If you brought them into this world, then you MUST take care of them until they are old enough to take care of themselves. It is YOUR job to teach them right from wrong both verbally & by example. We will make mistakes but the ethics & morals that a parent should install will help them correct over time as they mature. If you decide not to make choices then you are equal to the instinctual creatures on earth, and should be taking care of, and not put in charge of yourself or others…YOU ARE ONLY AS GOOD AS YOUR WORD!!!
I agree 100% about children. I will tell you most man even after he have children, his order of importance is his wife then children. But a women intuitively knows its children then her husband. A women true love is her children this is something a lot of man fail to understand!!!
Hence, I understand so my order of importance is children then wife. And I think this is correct because it is the caregivers responsibility to provide financial and emotional security to their offspring, otherwise don’t have children and don’t bring suffering to this world and the world is already cruel enough, no need to add to it!
I agree with you 100%, you might find that surprising. But I will never cheat on the one that I truly love. And I hope she will never cheat on me either. However, I also understand that extraordinary events or happenings can and will put a relationship to the maximum pressure and test how much you really belong to each other. I feel if my partner lets say cheat on me, I must first listen to her and understand her as to why this would even happen in the first place. If for example that person was able to give her happiness and she told me she became a better person and a more joyful person because of her experience with that person. I have no choice but to forgive her and look past what has happened and I think perhaps I should also learn from this philander and improve myself so this sort of liaison won’t happen again. I am trying to say, if you really love someone, even if they cheated on you, you will find it in your heart to forgive them, and if you both really love each other, then both of you will reach a new understanding, and together through the tumultuous and testing event, both partner will come out stronger and the relationship will achieve a new zenith.
Right now I will tell you most successful mature man are afraid of marriage and commitment because they are afraid that once they get married there is no telling how long the marriage will last, and heaven forbid if there is divorce, his asset will be split half and half and the court will award their children to the women 90% of the time.
I also know successful mature women are also left in the back burner. A successful 30 year old women, she works, she earned a decent wage and when she goes on the marriage market looking for eligible partner, what she finds is that those successful man would rather go for a two 20 year old than pick her. In her mind she have achieved financial independence, she is successful and not really that old, it makes her angry and she thinks man are shallow!
Speaking from my own experiences I was married 20 years, discovered my wife cheated. I dropped her that day, got custody of my sons and moved from the U.S. overseas. Best decision I ever made. My kids received a great education and now both own successful tourism businesses. I met a beautiful Brazilian lady 18 years ago who was 22, twenty-five years younger than me. Today we own and operate resorts in Costa Rica and Brazil. Was my gf attracted to me because I was wealthy, of course she was. Is it why she stayed with me? No because by the time we had been together 4 years she had earned more than she could have ever earned in Brazil through shear desire to succeed. No marriage contract would have improved my current relationship anymore than the one I entered originally with a cheater would have improved me or my kids lives. Having a cheating wife is being dealt 72 unsuited, fold immediately and move on to the next hand. My gf is still smokin’ hot and the cheater is broke, bitter and 62…Ugh !!!
thank you for sharing your life story Itapua0309, I can see that you are a very strong individual and a real man at that! There is no dealt your ex made a big mistake cheating on you, not only did you find a new lady, you also raised your children to become happy and productive individuals. Hence, you have achieved great success in life! CONGRATS
Well thats easy for you to say, if that cheating wife once loved you, and you know for sure she is the most beautiful women you had ever seen. How do you dump her? Is that even possible? all the emotional commitment, the memories? Just thrown away? I can’t do it!!! DAMN I AM NOT TOUGH LIKE YOU! HAHA oh well
Get on the bus Gus. Don’t need to discuss much. Drop off the key Lee and get yourself free. Finding new ladies is easy, getting them to go away is hard. Remember, when it comes down to it we are all animals.
Well, for those of people who read my post incorrectly, I am not saying it is right to cheat on your partner! I am against that and will never do that especially when I am in love or if it hurts my partner. I wrote that to help a friend and help him overcome his difficulties! good luck!